Do You Confuse Emotions with Emotional Intelligence (EQ?)

12-4

It often surprises my executive coaching clients how important their emotions are to their workplace success. Most of us have been trained to keep our emotions out of the office, so we let lag an ongoing investment in our Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Part of the problem is that investing in developing EQ is work that doesn’t always have an immediate payoff, and most of us are focused on results now! But part of the problem is a fundamental misunderstanding about what EQ is.

EQ is not having emotions, it’s understanding them, in ourselves and others and responding constructively.

We all have emotions, but most of us carry around errant assumptions and beliefs about them that cloud our ability to use them appropriately at work. Here are three common examples of misguided EQ that apply, whether it’s us or someone else who’s experiencing and/or expressing emotions.

  1. Strong emotions = I can’t handle it. Muted emotions are easy to ignore if you’re not sure how to react to them. Strong emotions are hard to ignore. Instead of learning how to understand and respond to strong emotions in the workplace, many of us believe they have no place in the office and assume that if someone expresses strong emotions, they “can’t handle it.” This plays out often between men and women. Women are socialized to be more comfortable expressing emotions generally, and because they have more experience they often know that expressing emotions is an awesome strategy for “handling it.”

Continue reading

Decoding Leadership Presence: 3 Steps to Confidence

1120

Does someone with leadership presence always make a good leader? Can someone without presence lead effectively?

Many career gurus will say leadership presence is essential to becoming a good, and ladder-climbing, leader. In my experience, however, many good leaders get ahead with only a mild ability to be noticed when they enter the room, depending on the company’s leadership culture. In addition, research shows that confidence and presence often help you get ahead even if you don’t deserve it. Leaders who get ahead on confidence alone flame out and fall prey to the Peter Principle before they get to the top.

Bottom Line: There’s more to being a good leader than just confidence and presence.

Continue reading

Can Empathy Help You Overcome Bias?

Untitled

Almost everyone deals with bias, and there are many strategies to deal with it, but we love Dana and Kate’s takes on InPowered strategies for confronting bias with empathy and humility. Enjoy a not-so-obvious-but-very-effective strategy to deal with awkward and unfair situations you find yourself in. – InPower Editors

One of the key things to understand about InPower is that accessing it often seems counter-intuitive. For example, the InPowered response to things that make you angry is to not be angry in your response. And by that I mean, truly not angry. An InPowered response to something unfair is to release your anger and any other negative emotions and respond from a place of peace, gratitude, and joy . . . or, if that isn’t going to happen, a place of mission, focus and patience. If you’re just trying to hide it, it won’t work. If you feel it, others will too.

[Tweet “If you feel it, others will too. V @DanaTheus on #InPower #Women”]

This is a pretty abstract concept though (counter-intuitive things usually are), so I’m always on the lookout for good examples. Recently I read a fantastic post by Kate Nasser that not only talked about the power of Empathy and Humility (great traits!) to help deal with bias and unfair situations, but gave some great examples from Kate’s own experience. Please enjoy her post!

Continue reading

Does Women’s Emotional Intelligence Help Us Get Into Leadership?

iq

How well do you handle your emotions at work?

Too many women and men read that question as a damnation of women who can’t control their emotions in the office. In fact, it’s more important that you learn to use your emotions intentionally at work, than merely control them. And in the ability to use their emotions, both women and men have a potential advantage.

We might even start with, “Do your emotions help you do your job better?” They do! Emotional Intelligence is one of the most important business and leadership assets you can develop, but emotional intelligence doesn’t always look as “emotional” as most people think. Often, it’s the more subtle emotional clues that give you the “intelligence” to decode a tricky interpersonal situation, read a negotiating partner or motivate challenging employees (and employees in challenging situations.)

How does understanding these emotional clues really help you? Here’s a short list:

  • Reduce stress (yours and others’)
  • Build win-win relationships
  • Motivate yourself and others
  • Communicate more effectively
  • Give and receive constructive feedback
  • Run meetings
  • Handle difficult situations and people

Continue reading

Working Moms Have Mommy Energy! [VIDEO INTERVIEW]

I’m excited to interview Lizzy McGrory, who turned her own struggles to be a successful working mom into a coaching practice that helps working moms find their power from the inside out. She’s written a book about it, too, which is full of practical tips, advice and exercises. We believe this inner power the secret to success too! All the tools we need to succeed in work, life and everything in between, lie within us. For moms this sometimes seems like a stretch, but Lizzy and I are here to ensure you it’s not!

So sorry the Q&A wasnt’ working. Please ask questions in the comments below and we’ll keep the conversation going!

[Tweet “The key to having more time is finding happiness and focusing on your energy level Via @LizzyMcCoach”]

Here’s a little more info about Lizzy: Liz is a Working Mom herself. She’s the owner of Coach LizzyMc ~ Working Mom Coach and a Mother of three children under the age of 6. She is a Certified Professional Coach who coaches Working Moms to overcome their Motherhood Transition Challenges (MTC). She was voted Rookie Coach of the Year in 2013 by the International Coach Federation New England Chapter. Liz is also a professional blogger and speaker. She writes and speaks about MTCs such as returning from maternity leave, igniting your Mommy Energy, and career advancement. Liz’s love for writing, creativity, and helping others fueled her passion to be an author. Liz first book, “Igniting Mommy Energy”, was released on the first day of summer 2014. It’s available exclusively on Amazon.com.

Tips for WorkLife Blending [VIDEO]

Last month, I moderated a great video discussion with Anne Loehr, leadership consultant, and Jasmine Watts, Editor of Miss Millenia Magazine about the reality of worklife blending across generations. It was a great discussion! Watch below and if you’d like to join in our next conversations about Women and Negotiation and Women in Leadership, register for the series!

 

 

Here are a few highlights from our discussion: Continue reading

Sidestepping the Peter Principle for Career Success [VIDEO]

Snip20141002_1

Laurence J. Peter famously coined the management theory that everyone rises to their level of incompetence in his 1969 book, The Peter Principle: Why Things Always Go Wrong. But rather than predicting that everyone must ultimately be promoted to a level where they will fail (the most common interpretation), Peter was really talking about the sad reality that many people who fail are promoted for the wrong reasons.

Watch this video preview of some InPower advice for how to sidestep the Peter Principle in your own career. Then register or login to the InPower Coffee Break Community to take the self-diagnostic and find out what personal development work you should be doing now to make sure your next promotion isn’t your last.

[Tweet “How can you make sure your next promotion isn’t your last? via @DanaTheus on #InPower #Women”]

 

The Upside of Office Politics

office

Sometimes my clients start falling into a pattern, and it gives me an opportunity to look more deeply at common challenges we all face. Lately, too many of my clients have fallen into the “victim of office politics” trap. This looks different for each person, but in every case it feels like several people you work with are conspiring against you to undermine your credibility and impact.

As a victim of office politics, it’s very easy to start to feel powerless and to act powerlessly. It feels terrible and causes you to question who you are, whether you’re in the right career path and what your value is.

Even successful people fall into the office politics trap and begin to feel persecuted by both their colleagues and the Universe. Why?

I believe that these kinds of career experiences – painful as they are – actually come to us to help us learn lessons critical to our future success. Based on my own experience, and the experiences of my clients, I think the office politics quagmire gives us a special gift, which is to learn to stand up for our values and grapple with forces out of our control. After all “The Universe” – in which I dump our unconscious, fate, luck and everything else we can’t fathom or manipulate directly – is a key player in our success. Continue reading

5 Steps to Getting Back In Control

man-biking-downhill

Sometimes we feel yanked around by our work—our life—or both. We can’t get on top of the pile. We can’t even stop to catch our breath. The list of stuff we’re not doing crushes the list of stuff we’ve accomplished. We can’t breathe and feel helpless and out of control. All this means is that we’ve forgotten to deploy the basic process of control: plan, do, adjust, review, repeat.

Remember when you learned to ride a bike? That first hill was terrifying until you went down it, practiced using the breaks and stopped to rest and look back up the hill when you were done. Then you wanted to do it again!

Control is an illusion and we all know this, but that first bike ride taught us how to maintain a practical sense of control that can keep us from getting overwhelmed. Continue reading

3 Ways Managing Millennials Will Make You a Better Leader

millenials

My son is 21 and in his second year of a summer office internship. He’s working hard, getting good reviews and privately developing a chip on his shoulder because he believes all us old people think millennial workers (18-30 year olds) are lazy and too full of themselves.

I thought he was just being overly sensitive until I started to see the anti-millenial posts pop up on my feed recently. Really? We’re going to do this again? We’re going to complain about the younger generation the way our parents complained about us? They’re going to take over our jobs and run our world someday. Let’s get on with helping them be effective and – more importantly – allowing them to make us better leaders while they’re at it.

1-Millennials require us to be vision driven

Millennials are driven to make an impact. Maybe it’s because so many of their parents told them they could; maybe it’s because they feel like the post 9/11 and financial crisis world (all they know) is crumbling around them, maybe they’re just not afraid to want to make a difference the way so many of us are and were. Continue reading

FOLLOW DANA THEUS

Welcome, InPower Leaders…

We're dedicated to supporting leaders driven to fuel their professional success through their personal development. In addition to supporting executives individually, InPower Consulting offers unique soft-skills development programs, team dynamics seminars, and leadership development workshops.

Be sure to check out InPowerCoaching.com for online professional development and InPowerWomen.com for inspirational insights from women leaders.

Top 100 Socially-Shared

Blog Categories

Subscribe to Blog


 Subscribe




Follow This Blog On Your KINDLE!

Change Leadership Tools

The PRIMES instantly make any leader and any team smarter. We use The PRIMES as a basis for all our leadership development courses and change management trainings.

EBOOK & VIDEO

7 Strategies to Attract an Executive Sponsor: 21 Action Items to Help You Go Higher, Faster!
DOWNLOAD NOW